I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
