Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
