is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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