dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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