I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
