Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
