glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
