Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Randomize
