I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
