I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
