I wish life had little blips of pornography
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
