I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
