the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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