Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
