if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
