Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
