yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
