I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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