Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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