i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
