Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
