Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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