I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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