There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
