Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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