Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I love you. Go after that dick
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
