Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
