dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i believe in u and ur pee
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
