Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
