I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
