Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
