I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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