a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
