what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
