I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
