I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
