apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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