like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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