is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
