I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
