I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
