She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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