Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
