I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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