ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
