i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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