I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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