Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
