I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
