Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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