you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
