Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
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