Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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