her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
