I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
