can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
