I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
